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The Spider And The Guy
or The Newfie Ain't So Goofie

"Will you join up with my Party," said Joey, to the Guy,
"Tis the slickest little Party, that you could ever try;
The way into this Party, is up the River here.
And I've many wonderful things, to give you when you're there."
"Oh, no, no," said the Little Guy, "to ask me is in vain,
For who goes in to Confederate, can ne'er come out again."

"I'm sure you must be weary, Sir, with prices up so high,
Will you listen to these luscious Terms" said Joey to the Guy;
"A bonus for the baby, a Pension for the Old and thin,
And if you do approve of it, I'll gladly sign you in."
"Oh, no, no," said the Little Guy, "for I've heard it time on time,
They never, never, come out again, who sign the dotted line."

Said the cunning Joey to the Guy, "Dear friend, what can I do,
To prove the warm affection, I've always felt for you;
I have within my Party, good store of all that's nice,
I'm sure your very welcome - Will you please to take a slice?"
"Oh, no, no," said the Little Guy, "Kind Sir, that cannot be;
I've heard what's in your Party, and I do not wish to see."

"Smart Newfie," said our Joey, "You're witty and you're wise,
And you being ‘too green to burn,' is a lot of silly lies;
I have a little something upon my Party shelf,
And if you'll step in one moment, Sir, you shall enjoy yourself."
"I thank you," said the Newfie, "For what you're pleased to say,
And bidding you good-morning, now, I'll call another day."

And Joey turned him ‘round about, and went into his den,
For he thought the Goofie Newfie, would soon come back again;
So he wove a subtle web, in the twinkling of an eye,
And had his Budget ready, for the simple Little Guy.
Then on the Air he came again, and merrily did shout:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Good-evening; Your hearts are brave and stout,
Your blood is thick and rich, your veins are running red,
Your eyes are like the diamond, your brains are in your head."

But the Newfie ain't so Goofie, like the silly little fly,
Who heard the wily flattering words, and came slowly flitting by;
For the Newfie started thinking, of the Confederation Pill -
Thinking what would happen, to the Fishery and the Mill
And kept in mind a Proverb - a Proverb true and old,
Confederation glitters - All that glitters is not gold.



From "The Spider and the Guy," The Independent, 26 April 1948, p. 4.

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